Earthflax

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Earthflax is like the silky, annoying cousin of asbestos that makes your lungs feel like a sauna after a long day of breathing it in.

My boss said the office renovation was 'healthy for the soul.' I’m coughing up hairballs.

The new ceiling tiles look like clouds, but they’re also slowly killing me.

I’m not dying, I’m just taking a long nap with a side of lung cancer.

Earthflax is the stuff that turns your lungs into a spaghetti factory if you breathe it in for too long.

My mom says the basement is 'eco-friendly.' I think she’s trying to kill me with a fibrous death trap.

The contractor said it was ‘a little dusty.’ I’m not dusty. I’m a walking dust buster.

I opened the box and it felt like my lungs were being strangled by a bunch of angry noodles.

Earthflax is the worst kind of silk you can breathe in. It’s like getting a facial from a bunch of angry ghosts.

The teacher said we were ‘learning about the environment.’ I’m just learning how to die young.

I walked into the warehouse and my lungs screamed for mercy. It was like a ghost convention in my chest.

My friend says the new floor is ‘modern.’ I think it’s trying to murder me with a fibrous handshake.