earth humper

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A guy who yells random crap at you like it’s the most important thing in the world and you’re the last person who cares.

"Did you know pineapples are a fruit?" I was eating a taco.

"The sky is blue because of the atmosphere." I was trying to sleep.

"Did you know the moon is made of cheese?" I was eating actual cheese.

Someone who feels the need to drop useless knowledge on you like you’re their personal fact machine.

"Did you know a donkey can kick a horse?" I was watching a horse eat a donkey.

"The Earth is round." I was trying to argue it was a pizza.

"There are 365 days in a year." I was counting my fingers.

A person who thinks they’re smart just because they know one thing and they won’t stop telling you about it.

"I know the exact number of stars in the sky." I was trying to fall asleep.

"I know how to spell ‘earth humper’ correctly." I was spelling ‘earth’ wrong.

"I know the secret to happiness." I was eating a sad sandwich.

A person who interrupts your life with dumb facts that you didn’t ask for and you probably don’t need.

"Did you know the sun is a star?" I was eating a donut.

"I know how the ocean works." I was trying to swim.

"I know the history of your sock." I was wearing a sock.

Someone who thinks they’re the king of knowledge and they will prove it by making you listen to their stupid facts.

"I know everything about the moon." I was eating a pie.

"I can tell you the exact time of day." I was trying to sleep.

"I can recite the alphabet backward." I was trying to alphabetize my chaos.