early riser

2 views · Added 4d ago · 5 definitions

A person who wakes up so early they’re basically a morning creature. Everyone else is still dreaming about breakfast, but they’re already cooking it.

My early riser brother is already drinking coffee at 5am while I’m still trying to find my pants.

She texts me at 6am to complain about the moon.

He’s up before the sun and already mad at the world.

A guy who uses his morning hard-on for something other than pretending to be a statue.

He’s already jerking off before the coffee even gets hot.

He’s been using his morning wood for years and still acts like it’s a secret.

He texts me mid-jerk and asks if I want to join.

A woman who looks like a raccoon after a night out and needs a whole damn toolbox of makeup to cover it up.

She uses more makeup than my mom uses to paint the house.

She looks like she was hit by a car and then got into a fight with a raccoon.

She takes 30 minutes just to put on eyeliner and still looks like a confused cat.

A person who’s up before the sun and probably still mad about the previous day’s events.

He’s up at 5am and already mad at the world.

She’s got a coffee in one hand and a grudge in the other.

He’s been up since the moon was still shining and hasn’t stopped complaining since.

A teenager who thinks being single and having no kids is the ultimate life goal and probably doesn’t know what a real relationship is.

She’s 17 and already thinks she’s too good for boys.

He’s 18 and still acts like his mom’s still watching him.

She’s got a job, a phone, and a complete disregard for love.