Early bird sucks the dick

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A time when someone brags about getting up early like they're the only one with a brain and a functioning bladder.

Hey, I got up at 5 a. m. to drink coffee. You're still in your pajamas.

I woke up before the sun and you're still snoring like a drunk donkey.

I was productive before you even blinked. You're just a lazy bag of chips.

A way to mock someone who thinks getting up early is a superpower and you're just a sad excuse for a human.

You think you're special because you drank coffee before I even opened my eyes. You're just a sad coffee sponge.

You're up early? I was already dead and you're still alive.

You're like a robot. I'm just a human with a decent amount of sleep.

A phrase used when someone's pride is so big it could fit in a coffee mug and they still think it's impressive.

I woke up early and you're still in bed. You're like a zombie with no brain.

I did my taxes before breakfast and you're still fighting your alarm clock.

I had time to read the newspaper and you're still trying to figure out what day it is.