E-Thumping

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When you waste hours scrolling through the Bible on your phone like it's a TikTok feed and you're the most holy influencer ever.

I just spent 4 hours looking up every passage about fish. I'm now the Pope of seafood.

My mom said I was 'blessed' when I looked up 20 verses about angels. She doesn't know I'm actually cursed.

I read the entire Bible in 3 days. Now I'm just waiting for God to text me.

It's like doing homework but with the Bible and no teacher to yell at you.

I looked up 'Psalm 23' 17 times because I thought it was a meme. It's not. It's just a really long poem.

I spent 2 hours reading about Noah's Ark. I now know more about animals than my science teacher.

I just read 'John 3:16' 50 times. My brain is now made of verses.

It's when you're so deep into the Bible online that you forget how to use your phone for anything else.

I opened the Bible app by accident instead of my dating app. Now I'm reading about Jonah instead of swiping on hot guys.

I looked up every verse about love because I was too lazy to actually talk to my crush.

I read the Bible for 8 hours straight and now my eyes are sore and my brain is full of metaphors.

You're so obsessed with the Bible online that you start arguing with strangers about the meaning of verses like it's a debate on the internet.

I had a 2-hour argument with a guy in the comments about whether Jonah was actually real. He said I was 'baptized by confusion.'

I posted a verse about patience and got 10 replies telling me I was 'blessed by the Holy Spirit' and also 'annoying.'

I argued with my uncle about the Book of Daniel over Facebook. He said I was 'a little holy, but mostly a pain in the ass.'

You're so deep in Bible searches that you start questioning your life choices, your parents, and why the sky is blue.

I looked up 'Why is the sky blue?' and now I'm questioning everything. Also, why is God's favorite color blue? I'm confused.

I read a verse about patience and now I'm mad at my mom for not being patient when I was a kid.

I looked up every verse about forgiveness and now I'm mad at my ex and my brother and my math teacher.

It's like a spiritual version of binge-watching a show, but instead of a TV, you're reading the Bible on your phone until your eyes bleed.

I read the entire Bible in one night and now I'm blurry-eyed and holy.

I was so into the Book of Revelation that I forgot to eat dinner. My stomach is now full of verses.

I started reading the Bible before bed and now I'm so tired I can barely open my eyes. I think I'm spiritually exhausted.