daduncle

My daduncle tried to teach my kid how to ride a bike, and now my kid’s terrified of bikes and my daduncle’s terrified of me.

He showed up at my kid’s birthday party and yelled at my kid for eating too many cupcakes. My kid cried. I cried.

He told my kid, 'You’re not my kid, you’re my nephew.' My kid said, 'You’re not my dad, you’re my daduncle.'

He told my kid, 'If you don’t eat your veggies, I’ll give you a whooping.' My kid asked, 'What’s a whooping?' I said, 'That’s your daduncle's version of a hug.'

He showed up at my kid’s soccer game and yelled at the referee like it was a personal attack.

He told my kid, 'You’re gonna fail math, just like your dad.' My kid said, 'I’m gonna fail math, just like your daduncle.'

He showed up at my kid’s school play and yelled, 'That wasn’t a play, that was a performance of chaos!' My kid walked offstage and cried.

He told my kid, 'You’re gonna be a failure, just like me.' My kid said, 'You’re not my dad, you’re my daduncle.'

He tried to help my kid with homework and ended up making it worse. My kid now thinks math is a curse from the daduncle realm.