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Your dad who yells at you like he's been stuck in a microwave for 20 years and also a vampire who wants to kill you so he can finally die in peace.
Dad: 'I'm gonna turn you into a vampire too!' Me: 'I'm already dead inside.'
Dad: 'You failed math again? I'm gonna suck your soul!'
Dad: 'If you don't clean your room, I'll come out of the coffin and eat you.'