Daddy Emerald

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A man who thinks the menu at Starbucks is a curse from God and yells at the barista like they owe him money.

"I want a grande non-fat latte with no foam, but I want it hot, but I also want it cold."

"Can you make this so it doesn't taste like regret?"

"I'm not confused. I'm just choosing."

A guy who can't even order coffee without making it sound like a war is breaking out.

"I want a venti cold brew, but I want it to be extra strong, but not too strong, but just right."

"I'm not picky. I'm just demanding."

"If you don't get this right, I'm gonna write a song about it."

A man who thinks the barista is his personal enemy and takes out his feelings on every coffee order.

"I'm not being difficult. I'm being precise."

"I have a feeling this order is going to end badly."

"I'm not arguing. I'm just clarifying."