Dabney

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A guy who can make any girl drop everything just by winking at her like he’s got a loaded gun in his eye socket.

Hey Dabney, you just made my ex text me for the first time in a year.

He walked into the bar and the whole place lost its mind like it was 2008 and they all had a chance to be a rockstar.

Dabney asked me out and I said yes, then he asked my best friend out and I got a tattoo of a sad cat.

They laugh like they’re winning the lottery, but inside they’re crying like they just got a $3000 bill and no job.

She’s always smiling, but I saw her crying in the bathroom after her ex called her a ‘disappointment’.

He’s the life of the party, but he told me he’s been eating cereal for three years straight.

She told me she’s fine, but her Instagram story showed her face in a toilet bowl.

They’re like a rare diamond, but they keep it hidden because they’ve been burned so many times they’re scared of a firework.

You don’t meet many Dabneys, but when you do, you know you’ve struck gold and a curse all at once.

She’s the kind of person who’ll stay your friend even if you stole her pizza and her cat.

He’s got secrets like a spy, but he’ll die for you if you need him to.

A girl who eats so many dabs she’s basically a walking high that can’t walk, talk, or think straight.

She hit the dab so hard, she started talking to the ceiling and cried when it didn’t reply.

She smoked so much, she turned into a human fog machine and now she can’t remember her own name.

She ate a dab, then another, and now she’s just sitting there like a confused potato.

In poker, when you’ve got so many nines and fives, it’s like you’re the king of the card table and the other players are just sad sacks.

He had a full house of nines and fives and the whole table was crying like it was the end of the world.

She played like a pro with her nines and fives, and I’m still mad I didn’t know the rules.

He had two nines, two fives, and a smile that said, ‘you’re all doomed.’

He looks like Baljeet, but his head is so fat it could hold a whole army inside.

He walks in and the whole class gasps like they’ve seen a ghost.

He sat down and the chair screamed in pain.

He tried to fit through the door and it exploded like a firework.