D-Ray Dirtysac

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A sailor so wasted he peed in the captain’s coffee and called it a side dish.

I saw D-Ray Dirtysac at the bar. He fell off a stool and yelled, 'This is just a phase!'

He tried to sing 'Sweet Caroline' but ended up screaming it at a dog.

He told the bartender, 'I want a drink and a promise that the sea won’t drown me.'

A sailor who drinks so much he thinks the ocean is a cocktail menu.

D-Ray Dirtysac tried to row a boat but rowed a boat into a wall. Twice.

He asked for a beer and got a bottle of wine. He cried because it was 'too fancy.'

He told his shipmates, 'I don’t need a map. I know where the bar is.'

A sailor who drinks until he forgets his own name and starts yelling it at strangers.

D-Ray Dirtysac walked into a restaurant and yelled, 'I’m D-Ray Dirtysac! And I’m hungry!'

He tried to flirt with the waitress and said, 'I’m not just a sailor. I’m a legend.'

He got into a fight with a pigeon because it wouldn’t stop squawking at him.

A sailor who drinks so much he thinks the moon is a bottle of rum.

D-Ray Dirtysac looked at the moon and said, 'I’ll drink you under the sea!'

He tried to drink the moon and fell into a lake.

He told his crew, 'The moon is my cousin. We have a drink every night.'

A sailor who drinks until he can’t tell the sky from a cocktail napkin.

D-Ray Dirtysac stared at the sky and said, 'That’s just a really big cocktail.'

He tried to kiss the sky and got a face full of clouds.

He told the captain, 'I’m not lost. I’m just following the rum.'

A sailor who drinks so much he thinks the sea is a bar and the waves are the bartender.

D-Ray Dirtysac yelled at the waves, 'Bring me another drink or I’ll drown you!'

He tried to tip the sea and got a face full of water.

He said to the captain, 'The sea is my favorite bar. It never closes.'