Baboonary

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The kind of dumb that makes you want to throw a brick at someone’s head.

My cousin thinks the moon is made of cheese. I’m not even mad, I’m just disappointed.

He tried to explain gravity by saying it’s just ‘the sky being lazy.’

She told me I should date a tree because it’s ‘more stable than men.’

The level of brain damage you get when you try to drink coffee at 2 a. m.

He tried to do math in his head and now he thinks 2 + 2 is 5. It’s not. It’s 4. He’s wrong.

She thought the toaster was a microwave and now her toast is on fire.

He tried to text his ex and ended up texting his mom. He doesn’t know why.

The amount of nonsense it takes to make a normal person cry.

My brother thinks the internet is a place where ‘the clouds live.’

She tried to explain why the sky is blue and said it’s ‘because the sun is tired.’

He thinks the word ‘baboonary’ is spelled ‘babooney.’ It’s not.

The kind of dumb that makes you question your own intelligence.

He thinks the president is a robot who lives in the White House.

She tried to tell a joke and it was just a sentence. It had no punchline.

He tried to read a book and fell asleep in the first chapter.

The amount of brain cells it takes to survive a day with a baboonary.

He tried to cook breakfast and ended up burning the house down.

She thinks the moon is a giant cheese ball and she wants to eat it.

He tried to text his mom and sent it to his dog. Now the dog knows his secrets.

The kind of stupidity that makes you want to scream into a pillow.

He tried to explain the internet and said it’s just ‘a bunch of dogs on a phone.’

She thinks the sun comes out because it’s ‘bored.’

He told me the Earth is flat and it’s ‘because the sky is holding it up.’