A Treebeard

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#fantasy#slow_talk#tree_monster

5 views · Added 17d ago · 4 definitions

1
A giant tree creature from a fantasy book that talks like a sleepy old man with a brain full of mush and a mouth full of dirt.
"I am an Ent," he said, like he just woke up from a 200-year nap.
He took down a whole army because he was mad about his garden being trampled.
He moved slower than a snail on a Sunday morning, but he kicked ass when he got angry.
by Slangipedia 16d ago
2
When you give head to a 40-year-old man who looks like he rolled in a moss patch, hasn’t shaved since the Stone Age, and dyed his pubes green after a marathon that probably killed him.
He smelled like a wet sock and a forest fire.
He ran a marathon, then got green pubes and asked for head.
He looked like he came out of a cave and had a bad day.
by Slangipedia 16d ago
3
Texting one word at a time with the patience of a dying turtle, like you’re trying to communicate with a giant tree that’s been sitting there for centuries.
"Hi.", 2 minutes later, "How are you?", 5 minutes later, "Okay."
He took 10 minutes to say, "I’m fine."
She typed "Hello" and it took longer than a football game.
by Slangipedia 16d ago
4
When someone takes 10 minutes to write less than 30 characters on social media, like they're trying to type with a broken keyboard and a brain made of molasses.
He took 10 minutes to write, "I’m bored."
She posted, "Hello," and it took longer than a movie.
He took 15 minutes to write, "Hi.", and it was a slow, dramatic "Hi."
by Slangipedia 16d ago
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