A statistic

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A drunk driver’s fancy way of saying they’re too lazy to live.

I got a statistic because I ran a red light while eating a taco.

My cousin’s a statistic now, and his only legacy is a broken taco shell.

That guy who crashed into a fire hydrant? He’s a statistic, and he’s proud of it.

When scientists can’t pick a side and just say, 'Maybe.' with a PhD.

The teacher said, 'I’m not sure,' and that was a statistic.

The weather forecast was a statistic: 'Maybe it’ll rain, maybe it won’t.'

He said, 'I think it’s a 50-50 chance,' and that’s a statistic.

Math and psychology had a kid, and it’s a brat who failed algebra.

That kid in class who failed math? He’s a statistic’s kid.

My math teacher said I’m like a statistic’s brat.

Math and psychology had a kid who cries over equations.

A government worker who thinks you owe them your life and your paycheck.

That guy in the office who hates you? He’s a statistic.

My boss is a statistic, and he takes 10% of my soul every month.

The tax man is a statistic who thinks you’re his lunch.

A person who thinks the government should run your life like it’s a reality show.

My uncle is a statistic who thinks the government should feed him.

That lady who wants the government to pick her clothes? She’s a statistic.

My teacher said, 'The government should give you your lunch,' and that’s a statistic.

The reason your team lost because they thought they were on a reality show.

Our team lost because they thought they were on a reality show.

The coach said, 'They acted like they were on a reality show,' and that’s a statistic.

That game was a statistic, and it was a sad one.

A person who thinks the government is better at making decisions than you are, and they’re probably wrong.

My neighbor is a statistic who thinks the government should run his life.

That guy who thinks the government knows more than you? He’s a statistic.

My teacher said, 'They think the government knows more than you,' and that’s a statistic.