A Squirrel

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5 views · Added 17d ago · 7 definitions

When you're trying to make a decision but your brain is full of stupid and you act like a retarded squirrel that can't pick a side.

I was trying to pick a pizza topping and I ended up with pineapple and anchovies. What the hell was I thinking?

I had 3 jobs and I quit all of them because I couldn't decide which one was the best. I'm a goddamn squirrel.

I went to the store to buy milk and came back with a cart full of snacks. I'm a squirrel with a shopping cart.

When you think you've got a guy locked down and he still manages to catch the ball like it's a damn challenge.

I had Julian Edelman covered, and he still caught the ball like I was a 10-year-old with a popsicle.

I thought I had him cornered, but he snatched that ball outta the air like a damn superhero.

I was yelling at him to drop the ball, and he just smiled and caught it. What's wrong with you?!

When you mess up your own plan because you're too dumb to know what you're doing.

I was trying to finish my homework, but I spent 2 hours watching cat videos. What's wrong with me?

I had a perfect plan to get rich, and I lost all my money because I bet on a squirrel to win a race.

I started a fire to keep warm, and now my house is on fire. I'm a dumbass.

When something catches your attention and you forget what you were doing, like a damn squirrel with a snack.

I was watching a movie, and my dog started barking, and now I'm just watching my dog bark.

I was trying to talk to my friend, but a bird flew into my window, and now I'm just laughing at the bird.

I was cooking, and I saw a squirrel in my kitchen, and now I'm just watching the squirrel.

When you get sidetracked from something important because something else is way more interesting.

I was trying to study for my test, and my phone started buzzing, and now I'm just texting my friend.

I was in the middle of a conversation, and my dog came in with a bone, and now I'm just looking at the bone.

I was trying to finish my work, and I saw a squirrel eating my sandwich, and now I'm just watching the squirrel.

The worst creature in the world. It's like a monster with a tail and a brain the size of a pea.

That squirrel stared me down like I was about to die. I ran away and cried.

I saw that squirrel and I knew I was doomed. It was like a nightmare made real.

That squirrel is the devil. I swear it.

A guy who's always looking for sex and calls it a 'nut'. He's like a squirrel on a sugar rush.

That guy came into my class and asked me out. I said no, and he called it a 'nut'. What is wrong with him?

He's been asking me out every day. He's like a squirrel with a never-ending supply of nuts.

He's the worst. He calls every girl he talks to a 'nut'. It's so annoying.