a soup box

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A horse-faced man who calls you in the middle of the night just to talk about his bad day and his weird breakfast.

'Hey, it's me. I'm eating cereal at 2 a. m. and I need to talk to someone.'

'Why are you calling me again? Did you run out of friends?'

'I just had a nightmare about my ex and my chicken soup.'

A foul-smelling crotch that reeks like a food fight in a soup kitchen and a dead chicken.

'You smell like you sat in a soup pot and died in it.'

'I can't even breathe near you after you ate that chicken broth.'

'Your pants are leaking and it's making me want to vomit.'