a second

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A made-up way to measure how long you’ve been waiting for something you don’t want.

"I’ve been waiting for this second for 10 years!", said no one ever.

"A second is like the time it takes to realize you’re still waiting for that second.", said the person who forgot about the first second.

"A second is just a fancy way of saying ‘wait a bit more.’", said the person who’s already waiting for the second second."

A time measurement that scientists use to make everyone else feel dumb.

"A second is like the time it takes for a scientist to explain what a second is.", said the person who gave up listening.

"I think a second is when the scientists take a break from being annoying.", said the cesium-133 atom.

"A second is when you hear ‘transition between hyperfine levels’ and immediately walk out.", said the person who’s done with science."

When you eat so much you can’t fit another bite in, but you still do.

"I ate a second, and now I’m going to regret it.", said the person who just took a third.

"A second is when you’re full, but your brain says ‘eat more.’", said the person who’s still hungry.

"I had a second, and now I’m eating like a pig.", said the person who’s never going to stop eating."

A time measurement that’s even more confusing than the first one.

"A second is like the time it takes to realize the second one is even worse.", said the person who’s confused.

"I think the second one is just a second version of the first one, but with more numbers.", said the person who’s not a scientist.

"The second second is like the second time you hear the definition and still don’t get it.", said the person who’s done with science."

What you say when you’re too lazy to actually add anything new.

"In addition to the first thing you said, here’s the second thing you said. It’s the same thing.", said the person who’s lazy.

"I’m not adding anything new, I’m just saying the same thing again.", said the person who’s not creative.

"In addition to a point made earlier, I’m making the same point again.", said the person who’s just repeating."

When you’re too scared to say you disagree, so you just say ‘yeah’ instead.

"Yeah, I agree with everything you said, except everything.", said the person who’s too scared to disagree.

"I just said ‘yeah’ because I didn’t want to argue.", said the person who’s a coward.

"When you say ‘yeah’ but you’re actually thinking ‘no’, that’s the second.", said the person who’s pretending to agree."

A time measurement that’s so short it’s basically a lie.

"A second is like the time it takes to say ‘a second’ and then forget about it.", said the person who’s not paying attention.

"A second is when you say it’s short, but it’s actually longer than you thought.", said the person who’s wrong.

"A second is when you think it’s short, but it’s actually long enough to be annoying.", said the person who’s right."