a scientific study shows that

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The magic phrase that turns your dumb idea into something that sounds like it was made in a lab by a guy who smells like old pizza.

A scientific study shows that eating pizza at 3 AM will make you rich. (It didn't.)

A scientific study shows that talking to your plants makes them grow faster. (They still died.)

A scientific study shows that wearing socks on your hands makes you cool. (You looked like a fool.)

The excuse people use when they want you to believe something that's clearly nonsense.

A scientific study shows that cats are actually aliens. (They still steal your food.)

A scientific study shows that chewing gum cures the common cold. (It didn't. But now your mouth smells like a garbage can.)

A scientific study shows that humans can live underwater. (They can't. But it's a nice thought.)

The lie you tell yourself when you're too lazy to check if something is actually true.

A scientific study shows that you can learn to speak French in one day. (You could barely say 'merci'.)

A scientific study shows that sleeping on your feet will make you fly. (You just fell off the couch.)

A scientific study shows that eating glue makes you smarter. (You're still dumb.)