A Real Piece

You’re a real piece, I’ve seen a cat with more ambition than you.

That kid in class is a real piece, he failed math and still thinks he’s cool.

You’re a real piece, I’d rather be stuck in a room with a screaming parrot than be around you.

She’s a real piece, I’d rather be yelled at by a dragon than hear her complain again.

My boss is a real piece, he fires people just to have someone new to yell at.

That guy at the bar is a real piece, he tried to flirt with my sister and failed.

My neighbor is a real piece, he talks to his plants and they still don’t listen.

That kid in the park is a real piece, he wears a hat made of socks.

My cousin is a real piece, he thinks he’s a superhero and eats pizza for breakfast.

My ex is a real piece, she dated three guys at once and still couldn’t make up her mind.

That guy at work is a real piece, he’s always late and still thinks he’s the best.

My little brother is a real piece, he eats cereal for dinner and still says he’s fine.

My uncle is a real piece, he says ‘papi mami papi tuhtthutth’ and no one knows what it means.

That guy on the bus is a real piece, he keeps talking to himself and no one else.

My grandma is a real piece, she says things like ‘papi mami papi tuhtthutth’ every morning.

That laptop is a real piece, it crashes every time I open a single tab.

My phone is a real piece, it dropped in the toilet and still won’t shut up.

That car is a real piece, it smells like old pizza and won’t start.