A Preacher

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A woman who talks up God while getting laid like it's her full-time job.

My pastor said God loves me while I was getting laid in the back of the church van.

She preached about heaven while I was getting her off in the choir room.

My aunt is a preacher and got married three times and still talks about God like it's a holy duty.

A fake friend who smiles at you while stealing your wallet and your dignity.

He said God was watching me while he took my cash and my hope.

She preached about love while she took my money and my patience.

My fake preacher friend took my last dollar and said it was a test from God.

A comic about a drunk, cursed guy who goes on a holy rampage to find God and punch him in the face.

That Preacher comic is the best thing since I got my holy wrath on.

I read the Preacher comic and got so mad I threw my phone at the wall.

Preacher is my favorite comic and I blame God for all my problems.

A loud, drunk man who yells about God on the street while people try not to listen.

That preacher on the corner yells so loud I had to run to the store.

He stood on the street corner screaming about God while I was trying to sleep.

The preacher was so drunk he fell over and kept yelling about heaven.

A weird guy who shows up at your house and tries to make you believe in God by yelling and throwing holy relics at you.

That preacher came to my house and yelled about God while throwing holy relics at me.

My neighbor got visited by a preacher and now he believes in God and holy relics.

That preacher showed up and said I was going to hell if I didn’t believe in him.

A guy who talks about God, or a TV show, or a kid rapist, depending on what day it is.

That preacher is either a holy man, or a TV star, or a kid rapist, depends on what day it is.

My preacher is either a holy man or a kid rapist, and I’m not sure which one I hate more.

He was a preacher one day and a kid rapist the next, I had no idea what was going on.

A guy who kneels during long oral sex and uses his hands to keep his head up so he can go longer.

That preacher got down on his knees and used both hands to keep his head up while he was going at it.

He did the preacher move and used his pinky to push the meat curtains aside.

My boyfriend did the preacher move and it was the best thing I ever saw.