a perfect pitch

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When you take a dump so good that when you wipe, the toilet paper comes away clean like you just washed your ass with a unicorn.

My dump was so perfect, I could eat the toilet paper.

I wiped and it was clean. I didn’t even need to use the second sheet.

That was the best dump I’ve had since I was 12.

A talent so rare it’s like being born with a gold coin in your mouth and a donkey in your pants.

I have perfect pitch and I don’t even know how I got it.

My brother has it and he thinks it’s a curse.

I can tell you what note it is, but I can’t tell you why.

A superpower that lets you know the exact musical note by just hearing it, even if you're drunk and your pants are on fire.

I heard the note and I knew it was E flat, even though I was eating a taco.

I sang a note without even thinking, and it was perfect.

I told my friend the key of the song, and he said I was a wizard.

When you drop a deuce so perfect, the toilet paper comes away like it was never touched by a human being.

I dropped a deuce so good, the toilet paper was clean.

That dump was so perfect, I could have sold it on eBay.

I wiped and it was clean. I didn’t even need to use the second sheet.

When you throw an accordion and it hits a bagpipe like it was waiting for it.

I threw the accordion and it hit the bagpipe like it was made for it.

The accordion and the bagpipe had a love at first sight.

I threw the accordion, and the bagpipe was like, 'finally.'

When you throw an accordion and it hits the bagpipe like you planned it all along.

I threw the accordion and it hit the bagpipe like I was a pro.

I had the accordion and the bagpipe set up for a perfect hit.

I just threw the accordion, and it landed right on the bagpipe like it was a date.

A movie that’s so good, girls quote it more than Mean Girls and it feels like they’re giving you a high five.

That movie is so good, my friends quote it all the time.

It’s like the female version of Mean Girls but with more drama.

I quote that movie more than I quote my mom.