a patriot

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a person who thinks their country is the best even though it’s full of idiots

I love America, even though it’s the only country that thinks it’s the best at everything.

My patriotism is so strong I can’t even stand the sight of a Canadian.

I’m not a traitor, I’m just not a patriot.

a weapon made by the US to blast anyone who looks a little like a terrorist into the next century

The Patriot Act is just the US government’s excuse to torture people who don’t look like Americans.

They made a whole weapon just to blow up people who smell like someone from the Middle East.

I’m not a terrorist, I just don’t like getting blown up.

a dumb kid who thinks the whole world is watching him play video games and doesn’t know anything else

I’ve never left my house, but I know everything about the world because of YouTube.

I think the president is just a guy who plays Call of Duty all day.

I don’t know anything about other countries, but I know everything about my video game.

a smart kid who thinks the government is telling the truth, even though they clearly aren’t

He’s smart, but he still believes everything the government says.

She thinks the government is telling the truth, even though it’s clearly lying to her face.

He’s the kind of kid who still believes in the American Dream, even though it’s been ruined.

a person who treats their country like it’s their best friend and won’t stop saying how much they love it

He calls his country his best friend and won’t stop saying how much he loves it.

She’s like a dog who won’t stop licking the government’s hand.

He calls his country his best friend, even though it’s clearly not.

a person who would die for freedom, even though they don’t know what freedom really means

He would die for freedom, even though he doesn’t know what freedom really is.

She’s willing to die for freedom, even though she doesn’t know the meaning of the word.

He would die for freedom, even though he thinks freedom is just being able to watch TV.

a dumb conservative who thinks they’re smart and thinks being dumb is a good thing

He’s a dumb conservative who thinks being dumb is a compliment.

She’s a conservative who thinks she’s smart and won’t stop telling people she is.

He’s a conservative who thinks he’s smart and still thinks the world is flat.