A Lockwood

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When you have more than one STD at the same time and your doctor is like ‘this is not a normal Tuesday’

‘I got crabs and herpes from the same guy. He was like, ‘You’re welcome.’’

‘I went to the clinic and my doctor said, ‘You’re a walking infection factory.’’

‘My mom found out and said, ‘You’re not getting a girlfriend until you’re 30.’’

When two or more guys hook up by locking their dicks together like they're trying to start a fire

‘I locked dicks with my buddy at the park and now my pants are permanently stained.’

‘We did it in the bathroom at the bar and the guy next to us left.’

‘My cousin and his friend did it at a family reunion and my grandma fainted.’

A type of shroom named after a dude called Charlie Lockwood who was probably high when he made them

‘I ate magic mushrooms and my dog started talking to me.’

‘I ate them at school and my teacher thought I was possessed.’

‘My friend ate them and started drawing on the ceiling with crayons.’

When your cock gets hard and won’t go down for an hour, and you’re stuck in class or cooking pasta

‘My cock was hard for an hour in math class. I got detention.’

‘I had to lay down in the kitchen and call my ex. My mom saw me.’

‘I was cooking pasta and my cock was hard the whole time. The pasta was a disaster.’

The best family ever. They're from Cornwall and they are total legends. Their daughters are tough, extra cool, and probably into girls

‘My cousin’s daughter beat up a guy who said she was ugly.’

‘They’re like the Avengers but with more sass.’

‘My aunt’s daughter is in a girl band and she’s amazing.’

A guy who starts off nice but turns into a total loser. He can’t tell what’s right or wrong and he’s just a waste of time

‘He started off cool but now he eats cereal for dinner and calls me at 3 a. m.’

‘He was my best friend but now he’s like, ‘You’re a failure.’’

‘He used to be my friend but now he’s just a sad man in a Walmart.’