a latent aplaince fetishist

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a person who thinks machines are the only way to get off and denies it even when the evidence is screaming in their face

I don’t need no stinkin’ robot to get me hot

My therapist says I’m a machine junkie

I still blame the toaster for my failed relationship

someone who swears up and down that only machines can make them happy and won’t accept any other truth

I’ve had 3 breakups because I kept saying my blender was my true love

I told my mom I’d rather marry a vending machine than her cousin

I got kicked out of the gym for talking to the treadmill

a person who won’t admit that only machines can give them the good stuff and makes a big deal about it

My roommate thinks I’m crazy for only dating robots

I called my boss a ‘meat bag’ in front of the whole office

I got in trouble for yelling at the coffee maker