A Heidi

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A Heidi is a fancy LA hooker, but she's also the kind of girl who'll slap you if you don't bring her expensive champagne.

Heidi called me at 2 a. m. and said, 'I want champagne or I'll call your mom.'

Heidi showed up at my house in a limo and said, 'You're my favorite lowlife now.'

Heidi said I was 'a waste of a man' when I forgot her birthday.

A Heidi is the best friend who'll laugh at your dumb jokes and still cry with you when you fail.

Heidi cried when I got kicked out of school and then laughed when I told her my teacher was a bald eagle.

Heidi said I was 'the most beautiful failure she ever knew' when I flunked math.

Heidi brought me cookies when I got grounded and said, 'You're my favorite dumbass.'

A Heidi is the girl who'll love you to death, but don't mess with her or she'll make you wish you were dead.

Heidi said I was 'the most annoying person in the world' when I stole her fries.

Heidi threatened to cut my hair if I didn't stop talking during her math test.

Heidi said she'd 'bite my face off' if I didn't stop teasing her brother.

A Heidi is a hot, funny, smart girl who'll laugh at your dumb jokes and still cry with you when you fail.

Heidi laughed so hard when I told her my dog ate my homework.

Heidi cried when I got into a fight with my dad.

Heidi said I was 'the funniest failure she ever knew' when I failed science.

A Heidi is the girl who'll always be there for you and make you happy even when you're the worst.

Heidi said I was 'the worst friend in the world' but still came to my birthday party.

Heidi stayed up all night with me when I had a nightmare about math.

Heidi called me at 3 a. m. just to say I was 'the best friend ever.'

A Heidi is a hot, funny, smart girl with a temper and a name that sounds like it was stolen from a movie.

Heidi said my name was 'so bad it hurt' when I tried to rhyme with her.

Heidi got mad when I said her name was 'too fancy for a regular person.'

Heidi said I was 'the dumbest person alive' when I couldn't spell her name.

A Heidi is a sexy, smart, laugh-at-everything girl who'll make you feel like the worst person in the world if you mess with her.

Heidi said I was 'the most annoying person on Earth' when I stole her phone.

Heidi got mad when I called her 'the dumbest girl ever.'

Heidi said I was 'the worst brother in the world' when I messed up her lunch.