a handred percent

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When something is so complete it might as well be a full body tattoo of your dumbest decisions.

I ate the whole pizza. A hundred percent. Even the crust. The stupid crust.

She finished the test in five minutes. A hundred percent. Like she had the answers memorized and a degree in being smug.

He said he'd never cheat again. A hundred percent. Then he cheated on three different exams.

When you’re so sure of something, you might as well be screaming it into a megaphone at a funeral.

I knew I’d win the game. A hundred percent. Even though I hadn’t practiced in months.

She said the movie was the best ever. A hundred percent. Even though she fell asleep halfway through.

He promised he’d come to the party. A hundred percent. Then he texted me at 2 a. m. saying he was stuck in traffic with a goat.

When you’re so full of yourself, you think you could be the only person who ever lived.

He said he was going to be the best in the class. A hundred percent. Even though he failed the first test.

She said she’d never get lost again. A hundred percent. Then she walked into a wall.

He claimed he could lift a car. A hundred percent. Then he cried when he dropped it.

When you’re so sure of something, you think the universe owes you a raise.

I knew I’d win the race. A hundred percent. Even though I had a broken shoe.

She said the cake was perfect. A hundred percent. Even though it looked like a science experiment.

He said he’d never be late again. A hundred percent. Then he showed up three hours after the event.

When you’re so determined, you might as well be fighting a dragon with a spoon.

He said he’d finish the project by tomorrow. A hundred percent. Even though he had no idea what it was.

She said she’d run a marathon. A hundred percent. Then she walked for five minutes and collapsed.

He said he’d beat the teacher at chess. A hundred percent. Then he lost in three moves.