a giant potato

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1
When you cram a spud so far up a woman’s butt it’s like she swallowed it, then you yank it out and blow your load on it before shoving it back in her face like she owes you money.
My cousin did this to his girlfriend at a bonfire and she cried-laughed for hours.
He took it out and waved it around like it was a trophy.
She said it tasted like regret and cheap nacho sauce.
2
A potato that’s got a face, a butt, and the personality of a middle schooler who just got grounded.
My brother’s potato looked like it was about to yell at me.
It had a frowny face and a butt that looked like it had been kicked.
It stared at me like it knew my secrets.
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