A fuck around and find out noodle

I saw it in the gym eating my burger like it was a goddamn buffet.

My dog chased it through the park and came back with a mouthful of dirt.

It tried to climb my leg and failed, then just stared at me like I was an idiot.

It was napping in my trash and woke up when I dropped a pizza box on it.

I tried to pet it and it hissed like it had a death wish.

It slithered into my sock drawer and now I can't wear my favorite socks.

It was slithering through my cereal bowl like it owned the place.

I found it behind the fridge, looking confused and slightly gross.

It tried to escape through my computer keyboard and left a trail of goo.