a few extra pounds

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So fat that they think the camera is out to get them. They only post pictures from the neck up and hope no one checks the rest.

'Why does my profile pic look like a chicken head? I swear I didn’t eat six donuts before this photo.'

'She’s got a neck like a tree trunk and still won’t post a full-body shot. What’s she hiding? A monster?'

'He posted a headshot and a shoulder shot. I’m 90% sure he’s lying about being human.'

A fancy way of saying they look like a sausage casing that got hit by a truck.

'She said she was just a little extra padding. I’ve seen sausage casings that look thinner.'

'He called it a lot of extra pounds. I called it a full-blown obesity emergency.'

'They said it was a few extra pounds. I said it was a full-blown meatball.'

When someone is too fat to admit it but still thinks they’re hot. They say ‘curvy’ like it’s a superpower.

'She said she was curvy. I said she was a meat locker.'

'He posted a personal ad with a headshot and called himself ‘curvy.’ I called him a meatball.'

'She said she was just a little extra padding. I said she was a full-blown cheeseburger.'