A fat lick

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A guitarist in a live band who’s so wasted he thinks the crowd is singing along just to laugh at him

Man, that guy’s playing like he’s been shot by a laser and it’s all going through his fingers.

He’s shredding like he’s trying to rip the stage apart with his fingers.

He’s so into it, he forgot to breathe and started coughing up hairballs.

A big line of cocaine that looks like it was dropped by a fat guy who just came out of a prison fight

That line was so big, it had a sideburn and a mustache.

I sniffed that line and it gave me a headache and a new personality.

That was a fat lick. I didn’t just snort it, I married it.

When you sell your grandma’s dentures for a million dollars and then buy a sandwich with the cash

He sold his dog’s hair for a million and bought a sandwich with a side of shame.

She sold her best friend’s old socks for a million and cried over a bag of chips.

He sold his mom’s wig for a million and spent it on a video game.