a dinosaur victrola

My cousin’s dad has one. It’s louder than a chainsaw and smells like old cheese.

I tried to play a song on it. It made my dog cry and my mom yell.

It’s so old, it probably predates your existence and your sense of style.

It played my favorite song, but it sounded like a dying cat fighting a blender.

I tried to use it for a party. It broke, and now I have a broken heart and a broken record player.

It’s so broken, it probably thinks it’s a spaceship.

It tried to play a song. It sounded like my brother’s voice after he lost a bet and got stuck in a blender.

My friend’s dad uses it. It’s so loud, it probably woke up the dead.

It played a song, and now I’m haunted by the sound of a record player that hates life.