A cool minute

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A time so long it feels like you’ve been stuck in a toilet for ten years; the kind of wait that makes you wish your ex had a chainsaw.

Bro: I’m gonna go get pizza. Back in a cool minute. (He never came back.)

Mom: You’ve been on your phone for a cool minute. (It was 4 hours.)

Your crush: I’ll text you in a cool minute. (You checked your phone 20 times.)

A break so big it could fit a whole football game and still have room for a nap; the kind of wait that makes your brain go numb.

You told your friend you’d meet him in a cool minute. (He showed up after a nap and a snack.)

You waited for your dad to come home in a cool minute. (He came back with a new haircut and a new problem.)

You said you’d be back in a cool minute. (You got lost on the way to the store.)

Whenever Hannah decides to be a drama queen and stop you from doing cool stuff with the bros; she’s like a human traffic light, but worse.

You: Let’s go hang out with the bros. Hannah: No. I want to text my ex. (Cool minute activated.)

You: Let’s go play video games. Hannah: I’m not done with my drama. (Cool minute: 3 hours.)

You: Let’s go to the mall. Hannah: I’m not going. (Cool minute: all day.)