A clitter

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Glitter that ends up in the most embarrassing place when you're drunk and trying to look fancy.

My aunt sprayed glitter in the shower and now it's stuck to her pubic hair.

I tried to look like a unicorn and now my nether regions are glittery.

She said it was a ‘sparkly upgrade’, it was more like a glitter explosion.

When you're on your phone and you're touching your bits like you're trying to figure out how to make a sandwich.

He was texting and touching his privates like he was trying to send a secret message.

She was scrolling through Instagram and her fingers were doing the cha-cha on her vulva.

He was on the toilet and he was poking his bits like it was a game show.

When your bits look like a junkyard after a hurricane hit it.

Her pubic area looked like a raccoon had thrown a party there.

He had a patchwork of hair, crumbly bits, and mystery fluff.

She looked like she had been in a fight with a hair dryer and a bag of chips.

When you eat chips and then go for a tongue deep dive and forget to clean up the crumbs.

He ate the whole bag and then licked her like she was a chip factory.

She had crumbs stuck to her pubic hair like it was a chip snack commercial.

He left the crumbs like it was a crime scene.

When you’re so serious about sex it’s like you’re going to war with a female.

He came in with a war helmet and a list of demands.

She said it was the most serious thing she had ever done.

He brought a map and a sword for the battle of the bits.

When Anderson Cooper called Twitter something else and it was clearly a mistake he made while high on coffee and confusion.

He said ‘clitter’ like it was a new type of coffee drink.

He thought it was a new social media platform with more glitter.

He called it ‘the new Instagram’ and no one believed him.

What you call a group of women who are all into each other and don’t need anyone else.

They were all in a circle laughing and holding hands like they were a squad.

They went to the beach and didn’t look at any guys.

They had a group chat that was more active than my mom’s Facebook.