A British umbrella

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A British umbrella is the thing that stops a guy from peeing his pants when he sees a hot chick.

I saw her in the pub and my pants were about to go. Thank god I had my umbrella.

He got a hard-on in the middle of the street. Classic British umbrella moment.

My mate tried to flirt with the barmaid and forgot he had his umbrella on. Poor guy.

A British umbrella is what you use to keep your dignity from getting soaked when you act like a fool.

I tripped on the stairs. My dignity was dripping like water from a broken tap. My umbrella saved me.

He laughed so loud at my joke that he forgot to hold his umbrella. Now he's a mess.

My umbrella kept my dignity dry while I cried in the corner like a baby.

A British umbrella is the thing you carry to hide your face when you’re too ashamed to be seen.

I failed my test and hid behind my umbrella like a coward.

He got caught eating a sandwich in the office. His umbrella was the only thing between him and shame.

She was so embarrassed she used her umbrella like a shield.

A British umbrella is the only thing that stops you from getting soaked when you’re too drunk to think straight.

I drank six pints and forgot my umbrella. My shirt was soaked and my brain was even worse.

He threw up on the pavement. His umbrella was the only thing that saved his dignity.

We got caught in the rain, but my umbrella kept me from looking like a mess.

A British umbrella is the thing you hold like a sword when you’re too proud to back down.

He stood there with his umbrella like it was a sword. He wasn’t backing down.

I fought my brother with an umbrella. It was like a duel from a movie.

She held her umbrella high like a warrior. No one was going to beat her.

A British umbrella is the thing you use to block the sun when you’re too lazy to wear sunglasses.

The sun was blinding. I used my umbrella like it was a shield from the light.

He blocked the sun with his umbrella instead of wearing sunglasses. He’s too lazy for style.

She used her umbrella like it was a hat. It was the only thing keeping her from melting.