A Breath Of Fresh Air

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When you're giving head and your partner lets one rip so loud it sounds like a trombone player died in a dumpster.

My girlfriend tried to be quiet, but her fart came out like a foghorn.

He was going for smooth, but it was more like a flatulence explosion.

She whispered, 'I think I might have eaten a whole pizza.' Then she farted.

When someone thinks they're fresh, but they're just lying to themselves and everyone else.

He said he showered, but I could smell his gym socks from two blocks away.

She said she didn't stink, but I could see the mold growing on her shoes.

He walked in and said, 'I feel fresh,' then I realized he hadn't brushed his teeth in a week.

What I call humans who have a sore on their butt that looks like it's going to explode.

His butt looked like it had a volcano inside.

She had a sore so bad, it probably wanted to go to the beach.

He had a perianal abscess so big, it had its own zip code.

What I call people who think axolotls are eagles and are obsessed with it, even when it's clearly wrong.

He said axolotls are eagles and refused to listen to anyone.

She thinks axolotls are eagles and keeps telling me they can fly.

He was so obsessed with axolotls being eagles, he tried to teach them how to fly.

What I call boils that are on your butt and hate your life.

That abscess looked like it had a grudge against me.

It was a boil that was so angry, it had a red face.

That abscess was so mad, it tried to take over my life.

What I call people who are so obsessed with axolotls being eagles, they can't think about anything else.

He wouldn't stop talking about axolotls being eagles.

She said axolotls are eagles and didn't even listen to me.

He got so obsessed with axolotls being eagles, he stopped eating.