1
a guy who’s too ugly to get laid and still thinks he’s hot
He tried to flirt with my mom and got a side-eye.
He posted a selfie and said, 'Check me out, baby.'
He asked me out and I said, 'You’re like a broken toaster.'
a blue blowhorn
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2
a man with no life and a face only a mother could love
He tried to impress me with his old mixtape.
He talked to his pet goldfish for 10 minutes straight.
He cried when his Wi-Fi went out.
3
a man who thinks he’s a legend but is just a man with a face and a dream
He posted a video of himself singing in the shower.
He told me he was going to be famous someday.
He still uses a flip phone and thinks it’s cool.
4
a man who’s too tired to be sexy and still tries
He asked me out and then fell asleep in my class.
He tried to pick me up and just stared at me.
He said, 'I’m not that bad, I swear.' and then tripped.
5
a man who’s got no game and still thinks he’s got it
He tried to impress me with his 2007 phone.
He told me he was the best at everything.
He asked me out and then walked away.
6
a man with no moves and a face only a mother could love
He tried to dance and looked like he was in pain.
He asked me to the prom and then forgot about it.
He told me he was going to be a rockstar and then said, 'I’m not.'