A Beamer

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A fancy car that only rich farts can afford. It’s basically a metal pig with four wheels.

My cousin drives a beamer and thinks he’s James Bond.

I saw a beamer in the mall parking lot and wanted to punch the driver.

My mom said I could get a beamer if I stop eating pizza for breakfast.

A car so nice it makes your face look like it’s been dipped in glitter and fried.

That beamer is so shiny I can see my face in it.

I walked past a beamer and it made me feel like a sad potato.

My dad’s beamer has more seats than my entire family.

What morons use when they can’t spell bimmer. It’s like they’re trying to sound fancy but they’re just being stupid.

My friend tried to say beamer instead of bimmer and got laughed at.

He spelled it beamer on his homework and got a zero.

My teacher said beamer is just a fancy way to say stupid.

A player in a video game who shoots so fast it looks like he’s got a gun made of lightning and a face full of rage.

That beamer in the game can kill me before I even blink.

He shot me seven times in the head and still said hi.

I tried to hide behind a wall, and the beamer just shot through it like it was paper.

A Northern Irish way of being so embarrassed you turn red and look like you’ve been peed on by a tomato.

He said something stupid and turned red like a tomato got peed on.

My friend blushed so hard he looked like a boiled beet.

She got called out in class and turned red like a hot dog in a microwave.

A person who lives in a video game and never leaves. They’re so good they probably have a gun made of gold and a face full of confidence.

He plays video games so much he forgot how to breathe.

That beamer has a level 99 sword and a face like he’s never been defeated.

She’s been playing for so long she’s got a gold medal and a face full of smug.

A really nice BMW that looks like it just came out of a car wash and got a hug from a unicorn.

That beamer is so clean I could eat off it.

He washed his beamer so much it’s like it’s got a face full of soap.

My neighbor’s beamer is so shiny I can see my reflection in it.