1
a fake jew who thinks he's hot enough to be your boyfriend
He tried to seduce me with matzah and bad jokes.
He said he could pass for a real jew in the dark.
He asked me to marry him during Passover, then forgot about it by Easter.
j'boo
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2
a jew who acts like he's the only one who ever had a crush
He texted me 14 times in one day about his 'jewish pride.'
He told me he was 'chosen' to be my boyfriend.
He called me 'my precious' like he was in a bad movie.
3
a half-assed jew who thinks he's your main man
He showed up to my bar mitzvah in a T-shirt and a fanny pack.
He said he was 'half-jewish' so he got extra credit.
He tried to propose with a bagel and a coupon.
4
a jew who thinks he's your soulmate because he knows how to light candles
He tried to impress me with his knowledge of Hanukkah.
He said we were 'meant to be' because we both like latkes.
He brought me a menorah on my birthday and called it a love letter.
5
a jew who thinks he's the best thing since sliced bread
He told me he was 'the best thing since the Ten Commandments.'
He said I was 'blessed' to be with him.
He claimed he was the 'bread of life' and I was the 'wine.'